Doctor - Patient Jokes from Cellmantra.com

Doctor - Patient

Patient: Please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade.

Doctor: Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?
Patient: Yea, I shaved with the electric razor.

Patient: “Hey Doc, is there any chance I’ll be able to play the violin after the operation?”

Doctor: “After some healing, yes, of course!”

Patient: “Great! How exciting. I never could before!”

Patient: “Please help me! I can’t stop my hands from shaking.”

Doctor: “Do you drink often?”

Patient: “Not really, I end up spilling most of it.”

Doctor, doctor! I think I'm a bell? 

Go home and take these and if you're not better soon, give me a ring.

Patient: Do you have something for a headache? 

Doctor: Yes, try this hammer.

Doctor: You should take atleast 10 glasses of water everyday.
Patient: It's impossible, Doctor

Doctor: Why?
Patient: I have only 4 glasses at home!

Q: What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? 
A: One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.

Doctor says to the patient: “Your coughing sounds much better."

The patient replies: “And no wonder. I spent a lot of time in practicing.”

Patient: What is the cost of plastic 
surgery?
Doctor: It is near about 10,000$.

Patient: Well, what if we arrange the plastic?

Patient: Doctor, You Must Help Me. 
I Keep Losing My Temper With People.

Doctor: Tell Me About Your Problem. 
Patient: I Just Did, You Stupid Bastard.

Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?

Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?

Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.

Q: What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money? 
A: "Do you see any change in me?"

Doctor: The payment cheque you gave me has bounced back from the bank. 

Patient: Because the disease you cured before, had returned as well.

Doctor:What happened to you ?

PATIENT:I am going to die in a minute.

DOCTOR: WAIT! I am coming within five minutes.

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